Went to a department store. She showed me the dressing room. “If you need anything, I’m Jill.” Wow. Never met anyone with a conditional identity. “What’s your name if I don’t need anything?” “Eugene.”
Certain Doubts
devoted to matters epistemic
Went to a department store. She showed me the dressing room. “If you need anything, I’m Jill.” Wow. Never met anyone with a conditional identity. “What’s your name if I don’t need anything?” “Eugene.”
Lol, When you find out her real name is Lisa, it will prove that you don’t need anything! (MT)
I’ve seen these sorts of conditionals called ‘biscuit’ conditionals elsewhere, after an example given by Austin: ‘there are biscuits in the cupboard if you want one’ (so where are they if I don’t want one?). There’s a nice paper by DeRose & Grandy on these conditionals here:
http://www.jstor.org/view/00294624/di020013/02p0059a/0
For something more recent, take a look at this:
http://www.springerlink.com/content/r30786h612018236/
Declerck and Reed’s book CONDITIONALS: A COMPREHENSIVE EMPIRICAL ANALYSIS (2001, de Gruyter) offers an inventory of various “if”-sentences that are not (typically) used as conditionals, if you’re interested.
If only she said “Only if…”…
From a comedian named Demetri Martin.